"'Me?' says he. 'Me? Why, man, I wonder at you! Can't you see the fires of Conservatism blazin' in my eyes? I'm Conservative bred and Conservative born, and when I'm dead there'll be a Conservative gone. By, by. See you Tuesday night.'

"He went off, stoppin' everybody he met to tell 'em the news. And on Thursday Ed Barnes dropped in to pay me the seventy-five cents he'd borrowed two years ago come Fourth of July. When I'd got over the fust shock and had counted the money three times, I commenced to ask questions.

"'Somebody die and will you a million, Ed?' I wanted to know.

"'No,' says he. 'It's the reward of virtue. I'm goin' to be a better man. I'm jinin' the men's club.'

"'NO!' says I, for Ed was as strong a billiard-roomer as Bije.

"'Sure!' he answers. 'I'm filled full of desires for crokinole and progressiveness. See you Tuesday night at the meetin'.'

"And, would you b'lieve it, at that meetin' no less'n six confirmed members of the billiard-room gang was voted into the men's club. 'Twas a hallelujah gatherin'. I couldn't help thinkin' how glad and proud Gabe and Mr. Fisher would have been to see their dreams comin' true. But Bassett and Ellis looked more worried than glad, and when the votin' took place I understood the reason. Them new members had divided even, and the ballots stood Bassett thirteen and Ellis thirteen. The tie was still on and the election was put off for another week.

"In that week, surprisin' as it may seem, two more billiard-roomers seen a light and jined with us. However, one was for Bassett and t'other for Ellis, so the deadlock wa'n't broken. Jotham had only a couple of his reg'lars left, and I swan to man if THEY didn't catch the disease inside of the follerin' fortni't and hand in their names. The 'Billiard, Pool, and Sipio Saloon,' from bein' the liveliest place in town, was now the deadest. Through the window you could see poor Jotham mopin' lonesome among his peanuts and cigars. The sayin' concernin' the hardness of the transgressor's sleddin' was workin' out for HIM, all right. But the conversions had come so sudden that I couldn't understand it, though I did have some suspicions.

"'Look here, Dan,' says I to Bassett, 'are you goin' to keep this up till judgment? There ain't but thirty votin' names in this place--except the chaps off fishin', and they won't be back till fall. Fifteen is for you and fifteen for Gaius. Most astonishin' agreement of difference ever I see. We'll never have a president, at this rate.'

"He winked. 'Won't, hey?' he says. 'Sure you've counted right? I make it thirty-one.'

"'I don't see how,' says I, puzzled. 'Nobody's left outside the club but Jotham himself, and he--'

"'That's all right,' he interrupts, winkin' again. 'You be on hand next Tuesday night. You can't always tell, maybe somethin'll happen.'

"I was on hand, all right, and somethin' did happen, two somethin's, in fact. We hadn't much more'n got in our seats afore the door opened, and in walked Gaius Ellis, arm in arm with a man; and the man was the Honorable Stingy Gabe Atkinson Holway.

"'Gentlemen,' sings out Gaius, bubblin' over with joy, 'I propose three cheers for our founder, who has returned to us after his long absence.'

"We give the cheers--that is, some of the folks did. Bassett and our gang wa'n't cheerin' much; they looked as if somebody had passed 'em a counterfeit note. You see, Gabe Holway was one of the hide-boundest Progressives afloat, and a blind man could see who'd got him back again and which way he'd vote. It sartinly looked bad for Bassett now.

"Gaius proposes that, out of compliment, as founder of the club, Mr. Holway be asked to preside. So he was asked, though the Conservatives wa'n't very enthusiastic. Gabe took the chair, preached a little sermon about bein' glad to see his native home once more, and raps for order.

"'If there's no other business afore the meetin',' says he, 'we will proceed to ballot for president.'

"But it turned out that there was other business. Dan Bassett riz to his feet and commenced one of the most feelin' addresses ever I listened to.

"Fust he congratulated all hands upon the success of Mr. Holway's philanthropic scheme for the betterment of South Orham's male citizens. Jeered at at fust by the unregenerate, it had gone on, winnin' its way into the hearts of the people, until one by one the said unregenerate had regenerated, and now the club numbered thirty souls and the Honorable Atkinson.

"'But,' says Dan, wavin' his arms, 'one man yet remains outside. One lone man! The chief sinner, you say? Yes, I admit it. But, gentlemen, a repentant sinner. Alone he sits amid the wreck of his business--a business wrecked by us, gentlemen--without a customer, without a friend. Shall it be said that the free and open-handed men's club of South Orham turned its back upon one man, merely because he HAS been what he was? Gentlemen, I have talked with Jotham Gale; he is old, he is friendless, he no longer has a means of livelihood--we have taken it from him. We have turned his followers' steps to better paths. Shall we not turn his, also? Gentlemen and friends, Jotham Gale is repentant, he feels his ostrichism'--whatever he meant by that--'he desires to become self- respecting, and he asks us to help him. He wishes to join this club. Gentlemen, I propose for membership in our association the name of Jotham W. Gale.'

"He set down and mopped his face. And the powwow that broke loose was somethin' tremendous. Of course 'twas plain enough what Dan's game was. This was the 'somethin'' that was goin' to happen.

"Ellis see the way the land lay, and he bounces up to protest. 'Twas an outrage; a scandal; ridiculous; and so forth, and so on. Poor Gabe didn't know what to do, and so he didn't do nothin'. A head Conservative seconds Jotham's nomination. 'Twas put to a vote and carried easy. Dan's speech had had its effect and a good many folks voted out of sympathy. How did I vote? I'LL never tell you.

"And then Bassett gets up, smilin', goes to the outside door, opens it, and leads in the new member. He'd been waitin' on the steps, it turned out. Jotham looked mighty quiet and meek. I pitied the poor old codger more'n ever. Snaked in, he was, out of the wet, like a yeller dog, by the club that had kicked him out of his own shop.

"Chairman Gabe pounds for order, and suggests that the votin' can go on. But Ellis jumps up, and says he:

"'What's the sense of votin' now?' he asks sarcastic. 'Will the lost lamb we've just yanked into the fold have the face to stand up and bleat that he hasn't promised to vote Conservative? Dan Bassett, of all the contemptible tricks that ever--'

"Bassett's face was redder'n a ripe tomatter. He shakes his fist in Gaius's face and yells opinions and comments.

"'Don't you talk to me about tricks, you ward-heeler!' he hollers. 'Why did you fetch Mr. Holway back home? Why did you, hey? That was the trickiest trick that I--'

"Gabe pretty nigh broke his mallet thumpin'.

"'Gentlemen! gentlemen!' says he. 'This is most unseemly. Sit down, if you PLEASE. Mr. Ellis, when the purpose of this association is considered, it seems to me very wrong to find fault because the chief of our former antagonists has seen the error of his ways and become one of us. Mr. Bassett, I do not understand your intimation concernin' myself. I shall adjourn this meetin' until next Friday evenin', gentlemen. Meanwhile, let us remember that we ARE gentlemen.'

"He thumped the desk once, and parades out of the buildin', dignified as Julius Caesar. The rest of us toddled along after him, all talkin' at once. Bassett and Ellis glowered at each other and hove out hints about what would happen afore they got through. 'Twas half-past ten afore I got to bed that night, and Sarah J.-- that's Mrs. Stitt--kept me awake another hour explainin' whys and wherefores.

"For the next three days nobody done anything but knock off work and talk club politics. You'd see 'em on the corners and in the post office and camped on the meetin'-house steps, arguin' and jawin'. Dan and Gaius was hurryin' around, moppin' their foreheads and lookin' worried. On Thursday there was all sorts of rumors afloat. Finally they all simmered down to one, and that one was what made me stop Stingy Gabe on the street and ask for my bearin's.

"'Mr. Holway,' says I, 'is it true that Dan and Gaius have resigned and agreed to vote for somebody else?'

"He nodded, grand and complacent.

"'Then who's the somebody?' says I. 'For the land sakes! tell me. It's as big a miracle as the prodigal son.'

"I remember now that the prodigal son ain't a miracle, but I was excited then.

"'Stitt,' says he, 'I am the "somebody," as you call it. I have decided to let my own wishes and inclinations count for nothin' in this affair, and to accept the office of president myself. It will be announced at the meetin'.'

"I whistled. 'By gum!' says I. 'You've got a great head, Mr. Holway, and I give you public credit for it. It's the only course that ain't full of breakers. Did you think of it yourself?'

"He colored up a little. 'Why, no, not exactly,' he says. 'The fact is, the credit belongs to our new member, Mr. Gale.'

"'To JOTHAM?' says I, astonished.